Being Capable Is Exhausting
My entire life was a reaction, not a response.
There was intention inside the reaction, sure, but you have to be able to actually see yourself in the reaction in order to develop the response and eventually exit the reaction altogether.
And girl…
I could react.
Oldest of four.
(Most of the time) straight-A student.
Full class schedule while working multiple jobs.
High-paying job right out of college.
Professional ladder climber.
One of the youngest in my field.
Single mom working 60+ hours a week and making multiple six figures.
Chronic illness?
I’ll figure that shit out too.
I am basically the poster child for being capable.
Give it to me.
I’ll handle it.
Something goes wrong?
I’ll figure it out.
Need more from me?
Fine.
There was a switch I could flip almost instantaneously.
Go.
And I spent a very long time being rewarded for how easily I could flip it.
Until somewhere along the way…
The switch broke.
I’m 40 now, and I recognize that story isn’t mine anymore.
And let’s be honest, other than a few fleeting moments when I really wish I could summon that woman on command…
I don’t actually want the switch fixed.
Because I know what flipping it cost me.
This is now a woman who has some of the slowest fucking mornings you could possibly imagine.
Which is HILARIOUS when you consider I used to be in the gym at 5 a.m. and on a paddleboard by 7.
Now?
We’re gonna need a minute.
😂
And for a while, I think part of me interpreted that as losing capacity.
But I’m not sure that’s what happened.
I think I stopped being willing to manufacture capacity through urgency.
There’s a difference.
Because being capable wasn’t the problem.
I still am.
It’s just that capability used to determine how I lived my entire life.
Can I handle it?
Yep.
Then I guess I’m doing it.
I didn’t stop very often to ask whether I wanted to.
Whether it worked for me.
Whether my body had the resources for it.
Whether there was another way.
I could do it, so I did.
And eventually that level of capability, and the exhaustion that came with maintaining it, led me into one of the biggest transitions of my life.
Not becoming less capable.
Learning that “I can handle it” isn’t enough information to build a life around.
And THAT feels like the energetic weather we’re walking into this week.
Somatic Weather Map
August 17–23
The Space Between Something Happening and You Doing Something About It
Once you’ve spent years reacting efficiently, response can feel almost painfully slow.
Someone asks you a question…
And you don’t immediately answer.
A problem appears…
And you don’t automatically start solving it.
Your schedule changes…
And instead of immediately rearranging your entire day to accommodate it, you sit there for a second.
That second can feel weird as hell when you’re used to being the one who handles shit.
Because reaction is fast.
Response requires space.
And this week’s energetic weather seems to be creating a little more of it.
Mercury and Saturn begin the week with a steadier quality while Mars and Neptune complicate the impulse to simply GO.
And honestly?
That interruption might be useful.
Because instead of immediately asking:
How do I handle this?
There may finally be enough room to ask:
Do I need to?
Capability Can Hide a Lot of Shit
The tricky thing about being capable is that there isn’t always an obvious reason to change anything.
You’re getting it done.
The bills are paid.
The kids are cared for.
The work gets finished.
Everyone knows they can count on you.
From the outside, the system appears to be working.
Meanwhile…
Your body may be having a completely different experience of that same system.
Maybe you don’t recover as quickly anymore.
Maybe three appointments in one day feel completely unreasonable.
Maybe you need more transition time.
Maybe the schedule that used to feel normal now makes you want to crawl out of your skin.
Maybe you could do another thing today…
But every part of you is saying:
I really don’t fucking want to.
And I think that’s where this week gets interesting.
Because sometimes the truth isn’t:
I can’t.
Sometimes it’s:
I can. And I don’t want to.
For highly capable people, that can be a much harder sentence.
“I can’t” gives us justification.
“I don’t want to” asks us to trust ourselves.
Other People May Still Know the Old Version of You
This is where the relational piece of the week’s weather starts getting louder.
Venus opposes Saturn later in the week, and I think there’s something worth noticing here about expectations.
If you’ve spent years being the one who:
organizes it,
remembers it,
fixes it,
handles it,
makes it happen…
people may continue expecting you to do those things.
That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re taking advantage of you.
Sometimes they’re responding to the version of you they’ve repeatedly experienced.
And sometimes…
we’ve trained people to expect our over-functioning.
Oof.
That’s uncomfortable.
Because now changing the arrangement requires more than silently resenting the arrangement.
It requires participating in the update.
Maybe you don’t immediately volunteer.
Maybe you let someone else figure it out.
Maybe you say:
“I don’t have room for that.”
Maybe you wait before responding.
Maybe somebody is mildly disappointed.
And maybe everybody survives.
What Actually Works Now?
By the weekend, the Sun moves toward Virgo and trines Chiron in Taurus.
And I don’t think the question is:
Who am I becoming?
I think it’s much more practical.
How does the person I am NOW actually need her life to function?
That’s the question I’ve been living inside.
Because I know how the old version of me functioned.
She could be in the gym at 5.
Paddleboard at 7.
Work all day.
Parent.
Solve the problem.
Handle the emergency.
Wake up tomorrow.
Repeat.
I know exactly how to build a life for her.
But that’s not the body I’m living with anymore.
And I’m not particularly interested in forcing her back into existence.
So maybe the better questions are:
How much space do I need between things?
How many calls actually feel good in one day?
What does my body need in the morning?
How much sleep allows me to feel like myself?
Which problems genuinely belong to me?
What pace allows me to participate in my life instead of simply executing it?
These aren’t glamorous questions.
But they’re incredibly useful ones.
Because eventually your life has to fit the person currently living it.
Somatic Signals
This week, you might notice:
- Your body mobilizing the second someone needs something.
- Irritation around requests you’d normally handle without thinking.
- Exhaustion showing up earlier than your old schedule says it “should.”
- Needing more transition time between people, tasks, or places.
- A physical hesitation before saying yes.
- Relief when someone else takes responsibility.
- Guilt when you choose the easier option.
- Wanting to move more slowly even though nothing is technically preventing you from moving faster.
Your body mobilizing the second someone needs something.
Irritation around requests you’d normally handle without thinking.
Exhaustion showing up earlier than your old schedule says it “should.”
Needing more transition time between people, tasks, or places.
A physical hesitation before saying yes.
Relief when someone else takes responsibility.
Guilt when you choose the easier option.
Wanting to move more slowly even though nothing is technically preventing you from moving faster.
None of these automatically mean something is wrong.
They’re information.
Especially the hesitation.
Not every hesitation is resistance.
Sometimes your body is simply asking to participate in the decision.
Pattern Tracker
This week, notice:
Where did I automatically become the capable one?
What did I agree to before checking whether I actually had room for it?
Where did I solve something that wasn’t mine to solve?
What happens in my body right before I flip into “I’ll handle it” mode?
Where am I still measuring myself against a previous version of my capacity?
And maybe the biggest one:
If knowing I can handle something isn’t enough reason to say yes anymore, what else do I need to know?
You Don’t Need Another Wellness Assignment
I’m not giving you seventeen things to do this week in the name of taking better care of yourself.
That would be fucking ironic.
😂
Instead, experiment with the space between request and response.
Look at your calendar before answering.
Eat before you’re ravenous.
Let someone finish describing the problem before you volunteer to solve it.
Take the easier route when the harder one doesn’t actually accomplish anything more.
Leave space between appointments when you can.
And if your mornings need to be slow…
Let them be slow.
Your life can still be moving even when you’re not moving through it at full speed.
Weekly Herbal Ally
Milky Oats + Tulsi + Nettle + Lemon Balm
This week, I want nourishment rather than another thing asking the body to produce.
Milky oats offer deep nutritive support, particularly during periods of prolonged output.
Tulsi supports adaptability without asking you to simply push harder.
Nettle brings mineral-rich nourishment.
Lemon balm is lovely when the mind wants to keep moving long after the rest of you has called it.
For tea, combine equal parts nettle, tulsi, and lemon balm and steep covered for 15–20 minutes.
Milky oats are commonly used as a fresh tincture, so if that’s already part of your herbal practice, you can use them separately.
Nothing elaborate.
No seventeen-step morning ritual.
Just support.
Four Very Different Sentences
I don’t want to look back at the woman who could do everything and make her wrong.
She wasn’t.
She was fucking incredible.
She built things.
She survived things.
She accomplished things I’m incredibly proud of.
And she knew how to react.
Fast.
Efficiently.
Successfully.
But eventually my body asked for enough space to develop a response.
And maybe that’s what I’m learning now.
There are questions I didn’t used to ask:
I can do it.
I have the capacity for it.
I want to do it.
It’s mine to do.
Those are four completely different sentences.
And these days…
I’m a lot more interested in knowing which one I’m actually answering.
Being good at carrying shit does not automatically make it yours.
P.S. If you’re someone who can accidentally turn taking care of yourself into another thing to excel at, my Summer Sips Series is intentionally uncomplicated.
Botanical drinks. Hydration. Ingredients that support the body through summer.
No gold star for doing it perfectly.
Just something good to drink while you’re figuring out which shit is actually yours to carry.
If Somatic Weather Map feels like the kind of conversation you’ve been looking for, subscribe below.
Every week, we look at the energetic weather through the place we’re actually experiencing it:
our bodies,
our behaviors,
and all the weird little things we catch ourselves doing while being human.
I’ll meet you here next week.
